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I have a doctor appt early in the morning. I have so much anxiety around doctor visits, so much fear of being judged. Fear of hearing that there is something really wrong with me. Fear that they’ll tell me that I won’t be around to see my babies grow up.

I know this isn’t rational. I just saw a doctor a couple of months ago, and other than him being an asshole, it went fine. This is just a new patient appt with a doctor I’ve seen before and really, really like.

My stomach is turning and my heart is pounding; anxiety is quite the bitch.



my life got about a thousand times better once i stopped censoring myself

and by censoring i don’t mean i suddenly embraced indiscriminate swearing; i mean i stopped trying to sugarcoat my past or my feelings; i stopped lying by omission; i stopped having guilty pleasures; i began unabashedly enjoying whatever i liked; i became very honest; i cut out of my life poisonous people and negative ideals, and i am so, so much happier for it



rain appreciation post

Nothing on this earth will ever compare to rainfall. Nothing will ever match up to the droplets sprinkling against your cheek, or the water soaking your clothes. Nothing will ever be like the droplets plopping against the street, or tapping against the metal and glass of the constructed world. 

Rain is the one of the most magnificent facets of this world for me, and nothing will ever compare to it. 

This. This is why I moved 900 miles from everything and everyone I’ve ever known to live in Oregon.

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